Still Can't Believe This Day Has Actually Come

As I look over this blog I'm reminded of the long road this adoption process has taken us on. I'm also reminded of the many disappointments we've faced over the past year concerning another adoption endeavor that failed. It's been a trying time and a blind walk of faith in so many ways. I've ended just about every day asking the same question to God, "How much longer, Lord?" and "Who is it that You have for us?" Well, this past Friday, He finally gave us the answer.

On the previous night, I was unsuccessfully trying not to mope around because I knew that by 8pm our agency would be closing for the night and assumed that would end my chance of receiving a referral that week. I made this assumption because our agency reserves Friday to catch up on paperwork and doesn't really have any interaction with their clients. I checked about 20 blogs to see if anyone who has adopted from my agency had received a referral on a Friday. No one. "Oh, well", I thought, "Now I have to try and get through another weekend of waiting." I usually work from home on Fridays, but I decided to go in that day just to avoid being alone with my thoughts. So, while I'm on the phone with a friend, I get another call. I look at the number and don't recognize it. When I answer I hear, "Susan?", I say, "Yes." "This is Christy" (my case worker). My heart immediately starts to pound. "And I have some good news for you." With that, I let out a blood-curdling scream that really shouldn't be humanly possible and I did it right into poor Christy's ear. Everyone on my staff came running to my office and could quickly tell what was going on. I asked Christy if I could call her back from my husband's office and, then, did a dash across our church that would have impressed Hussein Bolt. I burst through Brian's door and was pleased to find a rare moment when he wasn't counseling anyone. "It's happened!", I told him. We called Christy back and reveled in every moment as she told us about our sweet baby boy. We learn that he is only FOUR WEEKS OLD and that his mother died somewhere within that time, forcing his father to give him up. His medical records indicated he is perfectly healthy. Christy told us she was sending pictures of him and I had to remind Brian that we promised our kids we wouldn't look at them until we were all together. Brian, of course, had to teach a class at the church that night that wouldn't end until 9pm. Torture. At 10pm that night we hear his car horn blowing down the street into our driveway (he was excited). He burst through the door and we immediately gathered around the computer. We clicked on the first picture, expecting it to slowly load on to the screen. Instead, it pops up in an instant and we all scream as we look at these two HUGE eyes looking right back at us. We broke out into hysterical laughter as we focused in on the cutest little face you'd ever want to see. He's just beautiful. In fact, for a four week old, he's exceptionally adorable. We sat there examining all of his little features and soon realized that he has the hugest hands and feet we've ever seen on a newborn. "What kind of boy is this?", I asked Brian. Of course, a look of pride came over his face as lofty notions of the NBA or NFL probably ran through his mind ;) Claire, who's been as excited as anyone, continued to stare at the computer with a look of concern on her face. I immediately knew what her reservation was and consoled her by saying, "Don't worry, honey. He'll grow into those eyes." :)

At the risk of sounding trite- He was absolutely worth the wait. He's the one the Lord set apart just for us. Even though his life has begun with so much sorrow, by God's grace, we're going to give him a home where he is loved and protected and celebrated. He has a mommy and daddy who already love him more than words can express. My prayers are with my sweet boy tonight. Lord, watch over him and bring him home to us soon!!!

One Is The Loneliest Number

Okay, I should be rejoicing in this post because I am now unofficially #1 on the boy's waiting list, but, at the moment, I'm not. It has been a long road to get to this place and, quite frankly, I am beyond ready to reach my destination...to see my baby and finally put a face to the plan God has had since the beginning of time. I am crawling out of my skin today with anxiety and impatience. Being #1 on the list is torturous because what you've been longing for is so close and, yet, so far away as each day passes without a word from my agency. What an experience this has been. It's really so hard to articulate the gamut of emotions you go through on a weekly basis. The excitement, the fear, the doubt, the longings. It is a unique journey to say the least. So, my prayer tonight is that next week will be OUR week and that he has very fat thighs :)

P.S. I have no doubt that my next post will have a very different tone than this one.

Apparently, I'm Not Very Good At This

Well, I just realized that I haven't written anything in over a month. It really doesn't feel that long, though. Time just seems to be flying by. And that's pretty incredible since you'd think waiting for our referral to come would make the days seem like years. We have currently been on the waiting list for over four months and we are officially #3 on the boy's list, #13 on the girl's list and #3 on the sibling list. I am anticipating a call about a baby within the next two weeks or so......what a Christmas gift!!! So, at this point we've all been debating about names for our new baby or babies (still not sure how this will all turn out). I think we've decided that we'll just have to see their face first in order to know what their name should be. I'd be lying if I said I'm not beginning to get a little nervous. I'm starting to get those "Oh, my goodness. What am I about to do?" thoughts. I'm guessing that's normal. Our lives are definitely about to change in a big way. I'm not idealizing it. I have fully weighed out the cost- and I'm prepared to pay it. I know God is calling us to do this and His strength is made perfect in our weakness. Expect my next post to be an announcement of who the newest member(s) of our family will be!!!!

With Eyes Wide Open....

I don't know about you, but I find that doing what Jesus wants me to do and being where He wants me to be is.......well, painful. Why? Because He usually leads us to the most heartbreaking people and places. After all, that's where He'd be, isn't it? The problem is, it can be really overwhelming at times. To constantly live in the face of other people's pain and suffering is not an easy road. The easier road is to set up our own customized private world where we make everything comfortable and pretty. Where we can shelter ourselves from the "dirty" and "depressing". Well, as a Christian, I don't think God is giving any of us that option. Our lives are to reflect Jesus and all you have to do is look in the Bible to know exactly what that reflection should look like. He gravitated towards the broken, the dirty and the depressing. He could always be found with the rejected, the forgotten, the sick and the "sinners". How His heart must have been in a constant state of breaking. How burdened He must have felt by the needs that surrounded Him. Yet, those things weren't enough to stop Him from doing what He had come to do. Jesus did not come to enjoy life. He came to give life. Now, we are being asked to do the same. A time will come when we will live in eternal bliss. No more sorrow and no more pain. But, for now, the world is suffering in unimaginable ways and we are called to go to those places of suffering and offer the same life Christ has given us. Will it be hard? Probably. Will it be painful? Most likely. But, just imagine, if we feel pain because of the brokenness we see all around us, what must Jesus feel? The longer I live, the more I realize that pain isn't always a bad thing. And, in this case, to feel pain......is to be like Jesus.

"The reward for considering the helpless is not just the end result, but the pain, the heart pain, that accompanies it. It is cleansing to hurt when God Himself hurts; it is a good thing."

The New Numbers!

Here's the official update (I'm trying so hard to stay on top of this). This past Tuesday we were told that we have been moved to #28 on the girl's list, #9 on the boy's list and #5 on the sibling list. However, I just received our weekly email from our agency and, since Tuesday's update, more baby referrals have gone out. So, we are "unofficially" #24 on the girl's list, #8 on the boy's list and still #5 on the sibling list. Slowly, but surely, we're getting closer to seeing the little person that God has providentially set apart for our family. I can smell the baby lotion already. How incredible is God's will? Even though we live in such a broken world, He is still able to break through the chaos and lead those who will put their trust in Him. I'm so grateful to Him today.

The Love of God

John 4.16: We have come to understand and to trust the love which God hath in us.

"I have been thinking much of this translation. We can never fully understand that love, but we can begin to understand it even here and now, and as we understand, we trust. This means that we trust all that the love of God does; all He gives, and all He does not give; all He says, and all He does not say. To it all we say, by His loving enabling, I trust. Let us be content with our Lord's will, and tell Him so, and not disappoint Him by wishing for anything He does not give. The more we understand His love, the more we trust." -Amy Carmichael

The Orphans of Ethiopia

Ethiopian Orphans from Simon Scionka on Vimeo.