Here We Go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I was a teen-ager/younger woman, the thought of having children was the farthest thing from my mind.  In fact, I found it a little repulsive....maybe, even, a lot repulsive.  The last thing I wanted was to be permanently found wearing a sweat suit while driving a mini-van littered with empty McDonalds bags and board books.  It was a degrading picture of a woman if you asked me.  When Brian and I were engaged, someone asked us how many children we wanted to have.  We'd never discussed that before.  He looked at me and I looked at him and the word "seven" came out of his mouth as I simultaneously said "one".  Could have indicated a future problem, but we were too in love to make a big issue about it.  Anyway, children were way, way, way in the future.   Why think about that now?........... Fast forward seven months into our marriage and I'm feeling a little queasy at dinner.  The next day the queasiness still hasn't subsided.  My mom forces me to get a pregnancy test and..................starting a family has officially become a more pressing issue than I originally thought it would be.  I cried on Brian's shoulder the rest of the night.

Twelve years later..........

I adore my children and absolutely love being a mother!!!!  Who knew it would be this wonderful?  The privilege of having such an influence on another human being.  The sobering responsibility of modeling life to a child who will one day reflect so much of who you are.  I've always said that my children are God's kindest lesson to me.  He's used their lives to mold and shape me.  He's used my desperate love for them as a gentle appeal to become everything He wants me to be so that I can be everything they need.  What an amazing experience it's been and continues to be. I'm so grateful.

But, there's still room for more.

God has blessed our family in so many ways.  He's given us so much.  And, because of His great love, we have so much more love to give.  I've had a desire to adopt for about five years now. The initial craving came when I was only seventeen.  A friend and I went to Haiti to volunteer at an orphanage.  I fell in love with those children.  Their beautiful faces and smiles left permanent images in my mind.  But even more impacting was the sense of "aloneness" that seemed to afflict each one of them.  Even though they were surrounded by other children, they had no one to call their own........and no one who would call them their own.  I distinctly remember one little handsome boy who had done something to upset the rest of the kids.  When he was alone in the yard, they surrounded him and took turns yelling at him.  He stood there with his head down as he methodically wrapped and unwrapped a piece of thread around his finger.  When the children finally felt he had had enough, they all began to walk away except for his older and only brother.  The boy eagerly looked into his brother's eyes for some kind of acceptance and reassurance, but the brother only shook his head in disgust and coldly walked away.  I slowly walked over to the wounded little boy and gently put my arm around him as a huge tear rolled down his cheek.  My mind raced as the reality of this child's life became so clear in that moment.  This poor boy has no mother to run home to.  No one who will accept him unconditionally and tell him that he is still loved.  No one to tell him it will all be okay.  No one to take the time to teach him how to handle the blows of life.  No one to kiss him and stroke his head until he feels confident again.  No one to take shelter in when life become too scary.  No, he was truly alone and left with the unwanted responsibility of raising himself. He had nothing to depend on.  He would eventually learn how to build tall and strong walls that would protect his fragile little heart from the hurt that continually threatened him.  How painful it is to be all alone. 

Five years ago I decided that I did not want to bring another child into a world already filled with millions upon millions of children longing for someone to call them their own.  It's been a long journey so far as we tried for years to privately adopt an international child who had come into lives.  We fought for her in every way we knew how, but were unsuccessful due to the strict laws surrounding international adoption.  After getting over the discouragement of that experience, we set our eyes on Ethiopia.  This time we would do it the "legal" way and go through a licensed adoption agency. 

Last week we were approved by our agency and our journey has officially begun!!!!!!!  It's like I'm pregnant again.......only without the stretch marks and weight gain this time.  Life is good!! We indicated on our application that we were open to either a baby boy or girl...........or even a sibling group.  Are we crazy?  Maybe.  But, all I keep thinking is that you only get one chance at life on this earth and I don't want to spend all of my energy trying to make it really comfortable for me. Not when there are so many suffering all around me. I don't mind my home being a little more cramped and my schedule a little more filled if it means that some child will not have to walk through this life alone.  So, now, only God knows what's coming down the road for us.  He's already chosen a boy, girl, boy and girl, boy and boy, girl and gi....you get the picture.  Now, we just get to wait and see what incredible things He has in store.  So here's my verse for this whole experience.  It's especially helpful for impatient people like myself.  "But these things I plan won't happen right away.  Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled.  If it seems slow, be patient!  For it will surely take place.  It will not be late by a single day."  Habakkuk 2:3