Apparently, I'm Not Very Good At This

Well, I just realized that I haven't written anything in over a month. It really doesn't feel that long, though. Time just seems to be flying by. And that's pretty incredible since you'd think waiting for our referral to come would make the days seem like years. We have currently been on the waiting list for over four months and we are officially #3 on the boy's list, #13 on the girl's list and #3 on the sibling list. I am anticipating a call about a baby within the next two weeks or so......what a Christmas gift!!! So, at this point we've all been debating about names for our new baby or babies (still not sure how this will all turn out). I think we've decided that we'll just have to see their face first in order to know what their name should be. I'd be lying if I said I'm not beginning to get a little nervous. I'm starting to get those "Oh, my goodness. What am I about to do?" thoughts. I'm guessing that's normal. Our lives are definitely about to change in a big way. I'm not idealizing it. I have fully weighed out the cost- and I'm prepared to pay it. I know God is calling us to do this and His strength is made perfect in our weakness. Expect my next post to be an announcement of who the newest member(s) of our family will be!!!!

With Eyes Wide Open....

I don't know about you, but I find that doing what Jesus wants me to do and being where He wants me to be is.......well, painful. Why? Because He usually leads us to the most heartbreaking people and places. After all, that's where He'd be, isn't it? The problem is, it can be really overwhelming at times. To constantly live in the face of other people's pain and suffering is not an easy road. The easier road is to set up our own customized private world where we make everything comfortable and pretty. Where we can shelter ourselves from the "dirty" and "depressing". Well, as a Christian, I don't think God is giving any of us that option. Our lives are to reflect Jesus and all you have to do is look in the Bible to know exactly what that reflection should look like. He gravitated towards the broken, the dirty and the depressing. He could always be found with the rejected, the forgotten, the sick and the "sinners". How His heart must have been in a constant state of breaking. How burdened He must have felt by the needs that surrounded Him. Yet, those things weren't enough to stop Him from doing what He had come to do. Jesus did not come to enjoy life. He came to give life. Now, we are being asked to do the same. A time will come when we will live in eternal bliss. No more sorrow and no more pain. But, for now, the world is suffering in unimaginable ways and we are called to go to those places of suffering and offer the same life Christ has given us. Will it be hard? Probably. Will it be painful? Most likely. But, just imagine, if we feel pain because of the brokenness we see all around us, what must Jesus feel? The longer I live, the more I realize that pain isn't always a bad thing. And, in this case, to feel pain......is to be like Jesus.

"The reward for considering the helpless is not just the end result, but the pain, the heart pain, that accompanies it. It is cleansing to hurt when God Himself hurts; it is a good thing."

The New Numbers!

Here's the official update (I'm trying so hard to stay on top of this). This past Tuesday we were told that we have been moved to #28 on the girl's list, #9 on the boy's list and #5 on the sibling list. However, I just received our weekly email from our agency and, since Tuesday's update, more baby referrals have gone out. So, we are "unofficially" #24 on the girl's list, #8 on the boy's list and still #5 on the sibling list. Slowly, but surely, we're getting closer to seeing the little person that God has providentially set apart for our family. I can smell the baby lotion already. How incredible is God's will? Even though we live in such a broken world, He is still able to break through the chaos and lead those who will put their trust in Him. I'm so grateful to Him today.

The Love of God

John 4.16: We have come to understand and to trust the love which God hath in us.

"I have been thinking much of this translation. We can never fully understand that love, but we can begin to understand it even here and now, and as we understand, we trust. This means that we trust all that the love of God does; all He gives, and all He does not give; all He says, and all He does not say. To it all we say, by His loving enabling, I trust. Let us be content with our Lord's will, and tell Him so, and not disappoint Him by wishing for anything He does not give. The more we understand His love, the more we trust." -Amy Carmichael

The Orphans of Ethiopia

Ethiopian Orphans from Simon Scionka on Vimeo.

New Numbers!!!!!!!!!

Hi everyone!This is Claire. My mom hasn't written on the blog latley so I decided to update you on the waiting list. While we were waiting to find out our numbers on the list we got an email that said that a large number of refferals went out over the month.My family was really anxious to find out our places on the list. We had one more week to find out.That Tuesday that we were supposed to get our numbers, in the morning we got a call.Someone was talking to my mom while I was getting ready for school.The person that called told my mom that our caseworker,Christy Penny was on vacation. On the way to school my mom was telling me that she got that call saying that Christy couldn't tell us our place because she was on vacation with her family.In the car I was telling my mom that only our family would have a caseworker that went on vacation the day that we were supposed to find out our place on the list.Finally, that Friday we got another call, it wasn't our caseworker but it was someone else.First,she apologized that we didn't get our numbers that Tuesday.She also said that she called to tell us our new numbers. First of all she was right about our numbers moving up a little bit faster than usual. For the girls list we started at 43 and now we are 35,for the boys list we started at 15 and now we are 11,and last for the siblings group we were 11 and now we are 9. I am excited that the sibling list is the shortest list because I am praying that we can have the chance to adopt a twin brother and sister.

A Prayer For the Day

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I
may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."
St. Francis of Assisi

The Numbers Are In!!!!!!!!!!!

It's done. The paperwork, the notarizations, the trips to County Clerks offices, the photocopying...all of it, is done!! Last week I brought our entire dossier and home study to the Fed Ex office and found myself apprehensive to give it over to the inattentive man on the other side of the counter. I felt as though I was giving him my own baby (it practically weighed as much as one). That large stack of paper represented so much work, time, frustration and effort and, unfortunately, I'd recently read about people sending theirs out only to learn that it was LOST in the mail. Well, as you can imagine, I felt a good bit of uneasiness by the possibilities of error, so I laid hands on the package and asked God to assign one of His angels to guard it, I suggested Michael, and make sure it safely arrived on my case worker's desk. Thank God, it did. Of course nothing should ever be done quickly in this process, so I was told that even though my paperwork arrived on Monday, they wouldn't be reviewing it until Friday. More lessons in patience. Friday rolls around and I'm beside myself with excitement. I wait all day and slightly stalk my case workers with phone messages reminding her that my phone is broken and she should call Brian to let us know if our paperwork passed. Hours pass, Brian's performing a wedding somewhere and I'm at home trying to keep myself busy, but still no word on our status. I call Brian and ask him if he received any news, he says "no". I eventually look at the clock and it says it's 8pm. I realize that the agency's office, which is in Oregon and three hours behind us, is now officially closed. They didn't call. They're playing with my mind!! This is all a sick joke. I'm wondering if they're all on some kind of power kick? Just toying with our vulnerability. In the midst of my pity party, Brian calls me to say he just realized there was a message on his phone. It was our case worker, she said our paperwork was perfect, we passed.....and we are officially on the waiting list!!! I quickly repent for the thoughts I had just been thinking 60 seconds before and thank God for getting us to this point. What a wonderful feeling!!!!! So, here's our current status. Infant Boys #15 Infant Girls #43 and Siblings #11. The work is done and now the waiting game begins. I believe we'll be updated every three weeks or so and given our new status on each list. It's the closest thing to having a due date that I'm going to get. Thanks for everyone's encouragement and prayers during this process. We appreciate it more than you know.

I Can See The Light.....

Okay, the light is in sight!!! At this moment, our home study is being reviewed by our adoption agency and, if it is approved, I will be asked to send my dossier (the ridiculous collection of documents I've been compiling for the past month and a half) and another really big check to them too. Once this happens, we will officially be on the waiting list!!!!!!!!! As soon as we get on the list I'll be able to update everyone on our status. Every couple weeks or so our number will continue to climb towards #1. Once we reach #1, it will just be a matter of time before we get "the call" that informs us that a baby...or babies have become available. We're all extremely excited, but Claire is especially beside herself. She has made this process so enjoyable because of her endless enthusiasm and prayers. She's purchased Ethiopian flags for her room, fallen in love with Ethiopian cuisine, bought books on Ethiopia to prepare her for our trip there and made t-shirts that have special fabric on them cut into the shape of Africa with a heart where Ethiopia would be.......she's also currently trying to create a sculpture of Africa out of various colors of clay. Do you get the feeling she's excited? I love it. Please remember us in prayer as we are placed on the list and continue to draw closer to the day where we meet the precious child God has already chosen to be a part of our family.

Ughhhhhh!!!!!

I made mention, in my first post, that I'm not a very patient person. Well, up until today I thought I'd been doing pretty well. The gathering of all the paperwork required for the dossier and the home study could easily lead to a nervous breakdown. Birth certificates, police clearances, fingerprints, background checks, medical forms, CPR certificates, financial forms, insurance verifications and, even, a document proving that our dog Teddy is up to date on his vaccinations.........to name a few! Though this endless paper trail could discourage the faint of heart, I've managed to remain upbeat and confident that I could knock it all out in record time. And I have been.....until this week. It all began when I tried to have my notarized "Power of Attorney" letter (don't ask what that is, just go with it) county clerk certified at the Brooklyn court house. After waiting in line, I was told that my notary was commissioned in Queens, so I would have to go there to have it done. Then they told me to wait until their superior came back from lunch, just to make sure. I wait another 20 minutes only for her to come, take a half a second look at my paper and then tell me to go to Queens. "Okay", I thought, "No big deal. I mean, there's bound to be a glitch or two in this process." I get back to work and go to make a photo copy of our police clearances, which had already been county clerk certified....only to realize that they mistakenly printed two clearances with Brian's name on it and forgot to do mine............Now I have to go back to the police station, clear all of that up and hope they don't charge me again, and, then, go to the county clerk's office for another certification. -Take a deep breath- No problem. I can do this. I get up today and go to the Queens county clerk's office, the nassau police station and the Nassau county clerk's office. "Alright", I thought, "I'm back on track and moving forward again." I headed for our doctors office. Brian's and my doctor are in the same office building. We each had our physicals and needed each of our doctors to fill out an examination form and a write a letter of recommendation. Each of these documents needed to be notarized. Brian's doctor sent back his examination form signed, but not notarized, so I had to get a new one from our home study agency for him to fill out again. I brought all of the documents to their office and specifically told one of the nurses that they had to fill them out and, then, make sure they don't sign it with a different date than the date the notary signs it. My adoption agency will not accept it that way and neither will Ethiopia. I get to the office and they can't find the documents. I wait twenty minutes as they take turns accusing one another of having had them last. Finally, they surface. As I look them over, I see that each one of them has been signed by the doctor on a different date than the notary's signature. They're worthless and I have to ask my agency to send yet another set of new documents in the mail and start the process all over again........This is where the patience began to run out. I did everything in my power not to flip out on everyone in the office, including the cute little old lady quietly sitting in the corner waiting to be called for her appointment. I was successful and managed to make it out of the building being guilty of nothing more than giving everyone a very insincere smile and "good bye". What's next? Will I fail my CPR course?.......Can someone fail a CPR course?

Here We Go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I was a teen-ager/younger woman, the thought of having children was the farthest thing from my mind.  In fact, I found it a little repulsive....maybe, even, a lot repulsive.  The last thing I wanted was to be permanently found wearing a sweat suit while driving a mini-van littered with empty McDonalds bags and board books.  It was a degrading picture of a woman if you asked me.  When Brian and I were engaged, someone asked us how many children we wanted to have.  We'd never discussed that before.  He looked at me and I looked at him and the word "seven" came out of his mouth as I simultaneously said "one".  Could have indicated a future problem, but we were too in love to make a big issue about it.  Anyway, children were way, way, way in the future.   Why think about that now?........... Fast forward seven months into our marriage and I'm feeling a little queasy at dinner.  The next day the queasiness still hasn't subsided.  My mom forces me to get a pregnancy test and..................starting a family has officially become a more pressing issue than I originally thought it would be.  I cried on Brian's shoulder the rest of the night.

Twelve years later..........

I adore my children and absolutely love being a mother!!!!  Who knew it would be this wonderful?  The privilege of having such an influence on another human being.  The sobering responsibility of modeling life to a child who will one day reflect so much of who you are.  I've always said that my children are God's kindest lesson to me.  He's used their lives to mold and shape me.  He's used my desperate love for them as a gentle appeal to become everything He wants me to be so that I can be everything they need.  What an amazing experience it's been and continues to be. I'm so grateful.

But, there's still room for more.

God has blessed our family in so many ways.  He's given us so much.  And, because of His great love, we have so much more love to give.  I've had a desire to adopt for about five years now. The initial craving came when I was only seventeen.  A friend and I went to Haiti to volunteer at an orphanage.  I fell in love with those children.  Their beautiful faces and smiles left permanent images in my mind.  But even more impacting was the sense of "aloneness" that seemed to afflict each one of them.  Even though they were surrounded by other children, they had no one to call their own........and no one who would call them their own.  I distinctly remember one little handsome boy who had done something to upset the rest of the kids.  When he was alone in the yard, they surrounded him and took turns yelling at him.  He stood there with his head down as he methodically wrapped and unwrapped a piece of thread around his finger.  When the children finally felt he had had enough, they all began to walk away except for his older and only brother.  The boy eagerly looked into his brother's eyes for some kind of acceptance and reassurance, but the brother only shook his head in disgust and coldly walked away.  I slowly walked over to the wounded little boy and gently put my arm around him as a huge tear rolled down his cheek.  My mind raced as the reality of this child's life became so clear in that moment.  This poor boy has no mother to run home to.  No one who will accept him unconditionally and tell him that he is still loved.  No one to tell him it will all be okay.  No one to take the time to teach him how to handle the blows of life.  No one to kiss him and stroke his head until he feels confident again.  No one to take shelter in when life become too scary.  No, he was truly alone and left with the unwanted responsibility of raising himself. He had nothing to depend on.  He would eventually learn how to build tall and strong walls that would protect his fragile little heart from the hurt that continually threatened him.  How painful it is to be all alone. 

Five years ago I decided that I did not want to bring another child into a world already filled with millions upon millions of children longing for someone to call them their own.  It's been a long journey so far as we tried for years to privately adopt an international child who had come into lives.  We fought for her in every way we knew how, but were unsuccessful due to the strict laws surrounding international adoption.  After getting over the discouragement of that experience, we set our eyes on Ethiopia.  This time we would do it the "legal" way and go through a licensed adoption agency. 

Last week we were approved by our agency and our journey has officially begun!!!!!!!  It's like I'm pregnant again.......only without the stretch marks and weight gain this time.  Life is good!! We indicated on our application that we were open to either a baby boy or girl...........or even a sibling group.  Are we crazy?  Maybe.  But, all I keep thinking is that you only get one chance at life on this earth and I don't want to spend all of my energy trying to make it really comfortable for me. Not when there are so many suffering all around me. I don't mind my home being a little more cramped and my schedule a little more filled if it means that some child will not have to walk through this life alone.  So, now, only God knows what's coming down the road for us.  He's already chosen a boy, girl, boy and girl, boy and boy, girl and gi....you get the picture.  Now, we just get to wait and see what incredible things He has in store.  So here's my verse for this whole experience.  It's especially helpful for impatient people like myself.  "But these things I plan won't happen right away.  Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled.  If it seems slow, be patient!  For it will surely take place.  It will not be late by a single day."  Habakkuk 2:3